Mom:
When is the best age to enroll your child in preschool? It seems like more and more families are starting preschool as young as 2 years old. Are there disadvantages for my child if I wait until he is 3 or 3-1/2 years old to start preschool?
Unsure Mom
Dear Unsure:
What's important for now is that he's getting daily love, supervision and dialogue; that he has regular exposure to other children whether a sibling or neighborhood kids; and that he's doing some age-appropriate learning activities and not being parked in front of the TV all day or ignored.
If all that's happening and he seems happy and well-adjusted and you're in a position to stay home with him or have a good nanny, there's no compelling reason to push him into preschool before age 3 or even 4. Is he potty-trained? Once he is, that may serve as a natural transition to try preschool.
My 7-year-old started preschool at 3 months. Looking back on that now, it seems so early! But I had to get back to work and we weren't in a position to afford a full-time nanny. The upsides? Her body built immunities to lots of nasty preschool germs early on. She learned early to socialize and be independent. We didn't need to arrange as many playdates because she saw friends all day long. The downsides? She didn't get to spend enough time in her own home, her room, her space. She was probably a little more rambunctious as a result.
It wasn't until she started kindergarten in public school and we could put the money we were saving in daycare costs toward an au pair that she finally got to spend afternoons at home, playing with her own toys, reading her own books, exploring her own backyard.
Many parents on both sides of this debate feel strongly that their way is right and will show you the data they favor to argue their case. You need to do what feels right for your family. If you or your spouse is in a position to be home with your son, these are precious days that you won't get back and that will soon be gone, so you should enjoy the time together. You can teach him to read as well as a preschool teacher would. But if you've got a nanny who isn't doing much more than pushing him around in a stroller or plopping him in front of the TV, that's a different equation.
You can always take the middle ground, starting him in a co-op nursery school program for half-days or a couple of days a week to see how he adjusts.
I do think you'll want him in preschool at least a full year before kindergarten, just so he knows how to navigate the social intricacies of missing Mom and Dad and making friends and learning in a group setting before he starts "real" school, where most of the other kids already will have a head start.
Good luck!
Friday, April 8, 2011
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
She's loving dating him. But is it love?
Mom:
I have a boyfriend, and we've been dating for a while now and I think I'm in love. Our relationship is really great and I think I love him, but how can I be sure? How do you know when you're in love? Is there a certain age?
Sincerely,
Love Lost
Dear Love Lost:
It doesn't sound like you're lost, maybe just finding yourself. But we want to know more!
Do you have the heart-thumping, fireworks feeling? That could definitely be love. Or it could just be a very strong physical attraction that will burn off in a few weeks or months. Or do you have a deep connection, a wonderful friendship, but not the physical attraction, and you're trying to figure out if you'll grow into that? Probably not --- but maybe.
You're also asking whether there's minimum age to really be in love. In absolute terms, no. You can fall in love when you're five or 15.
But until you really know yourself, until you're comfortable and proud of who you are, not easily swayed by peer pressure, not interested in changing your looks or hobbies or views to please someone else - until you're unapologetically YOU and willing to accept others for who they are and not who you want them to be - only then can you be in real, true, good, reciprocated, lasting, healthy, awesome love. That's not to say you won't misfire a couple of times.
Under my real-love doctrine, it's not love unless the person you love loves your back and treats you like he/she loves you back.
But this is all vague, and you want rules or at least some guidelines, right?
Here are some:
-When you're days or weeks into a relationship, all you have to go on are your impressions of what a person is like; you're projecting what you think that person is like, and they're doing the same with you. You can't possibly know if it's love, so please resist the temptation to say "I love you." Find something else to say: "You're so hot," "I love being with you," whatever. You can't un-ring the bell.
-Six months is a good rule of thumb. If the relationship seems stronger and you're still as attracted after six months, it's probably love. If you're bored by then, or fighting a lot, it's probably not one for the ages.
-Do you turn to each other, or away from one another, in difficult times? When you have a cold, fight with family, experience loss or disappointment. Do you keep secrets from one another or can you tell each other anything? Are you always confiding in your friends about the relationship or do you find yourself keeping most juicy details to yourselves? The latter is a good sign.
-Do you like one another's friends or is it one-sided or do you lead completely different social lives?
You can be short on a lot of these fronts and still have a wild, passionate love affair that will rock your world and earn a place in your memoirs some day. But if you're asking about love-love, time and tests you can't possible foresee will bear out what you've got together. If you're enjoying yourself now, though, you're off to a good start.
I have a boyfriend, and we've been dating for a while now and I think I'm in love. Our relationship is really great and I think I love him, but how can I be sure? How do you know when you're in love? Is there a certain age?
Sincerely,
Love Lost
Dear Love Lost:
It doesn't sound like you're lost, maybe just finding yourself. But we want to know more!
Do you have the heart-thumping, fireworks feeling? That could definitely be love. Or it could just be a very strong physical attraction that will burn off in a few weeks or months. Or do you have a deep connection, a wonderful friendship, but not the physical attraction, and you're trying to figure out if you'll grow into that? Probably not --- but maybe.
You're also asking whether there's minimum age to really be in love. In absolute terms, no. You can fall in love when you're five or 15.
But until you really know yourself, until you're comfortable and proud of who you are, not easily swayed by peer pressure, not interested in changing your looks or hobbies or views to please someone else - until you're unapologetically YOU and willing to accept others for who they are and not who you want them to be - only then can you be in real, true, good, reciprocated, lasting, healthy, awesome love. That's not to say you won't misfire a couple of times.
Under my real-love doctrine, it's not love unless the person you love loves your back and treats you like he/she loves you back.
But this is all vague, and you want rules or at least some guidelines, right?
Here are some:
-When you're days or weeks into a relationship, all you have to go on are your impressions of what a person is like; you're projecting what you think that person is like, and they're doing the same with you. You can't possibly know if it's love, so please resist the temptation to say "I love you." Find something else to say: "You're so hot," "I love being with you," whatever. You can't un-ring the bell.
-Six months is a good rule of thumb. If the relationship seems stronger and you're still as attracted after six months, it's probably love. If you're bored by then, or fighting a lot, it's probably not one for the ages.
-Do you turn to each other, or away from one another, in difficult times? When you have a cold, fight with family, experience loss or disappointment. Do you keep secrets from one another or can you tell each other anything? Are you always confiding in your friends about the relationship or do you find yourself keeping most juicy details to yourselves? The latter is a good sign.
-Do you like one another's friends or is it one-sided or do you lead completely different social lives?
You can be short on a lot of these fronts and still have a wild, passionate love affair that will rock your world and earn a place in your memoirs some day. But if you're asking about love-love, time and tests you can't possible foresee will bear out what you've got together. If you're enjoying yourself now, though, you're off to a good start.
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