She's loving dating him. But is it love?

Mom:

I have a boyfriend, and we've been dating for a while now and I think I'm in love. Our relationship is really great and I think I love him, but how can I be sure? How do you know when you're in love? Is there a certain age?

Sincerely,
Love Lost

Dear Love Lost:

It doesn't sound like you're lost, maybe just finding yourself. But we want to know more!

Do you have the heart-thumping, fireworks feeling? That could definitely be love. Or it could just be a very strong physical attraction that will burn off in a few weeks or months. Or do you have a deep connection, a wonderful friendship, but not the physical attraction, and you're trying to figure out if you'll grow into that? Probably not --- but maybe.

You're also asking whether there's minimum age to really be in love. In absolute terms, no. You can fall in love when you're five or 15.

But until you really know yourself, until you're comfortable and proud of who you are, not easily swayed by peer pressure, not interested in changing your looks or hobbies or views to please someone else - until you're unapologetically YOU and willing to accept others for who they are and not who you want them to be - only then can you be in real, true, good, reciprocated, lasting, healthy, awesome love. That's not to say you won't misfire a couple of times.

Under my real-love doctrine, it's not love unless the person you love loves your back and treats you like he/she loves you back.

But this is all vague, and you want rules or at least some guidelines, right?

Here are some:

-When you're days or weeks into a relationship, all you have to go on are your impressions of what a person is like; you're projecting what you think that person is like, and they're doing the same with you. You can't possibly know if it's love, so please resist the temptation to say "I love you." Find something else to say: "You're so hot," "I love being with you," whatever. You can't un-ring the bell.

-Six months is a good rule of thumb. If the relationship seems stronger and you're still as attracted after six months, it's probably love. If you're bored by then, or fighting a lot, it's probably not one for the ages.

-Do you turn to each other, or away from one another, in difficult times? When you have a cold, fight with family, experience loss or disappointment. Do you keep secrets from one another or can you tell each other anything? Are you always confiding in your friends about the relationship or do you find yourself keeping most juicy details to yourselves? The latter is a good sign.

-Do you like one another's friends or is it one-sided or do you lead completely different social lives?

You can be short on a lot of these fronts and still have a wild, passionate love affair that will rock your world and earn a place in your memoirs some day. But if you're asking about love-love, time and tests you can't possible foresee will bear out what you've got together. If you're enjoying yourself now, though, you're off to a good start.